Twin Cans #drtynflrty Tour – Chapter 1 – Gettin’ Skunked and Drunked

We’re almost a week into our Dirty ‘n Flirty tour and I’m still not sure why we decided to call it that. I had written it on the back of our filthy van at the Sweetwater 905 Festival, and I guess it sorta caught on. The other thing that was written on the back of the van was “Chicks with Dix”, so I guess Dirty ‘n Flirty is marginally better.

-Our first scheduled show of the tour was in Dawson Creek at a little bookstore/coffeeshop hybrid called Faking Sanity. We had a pre-show picnic in a park and headed to venue expecting to see hundreds upon hundreds of frenzied fans, but Dawson Creek had other plans in store: No one showed up. Tumbleweeds. Not a soul. We got skunked. Well, actually Lindsay’s parents did show up, but we decided to just pack it in and head back to FSJ. This was the first show I’d ever “played” where no one at all showed up, and I looked on the bright side and said that at least the attendance can only get better.

-The next day we packed up ol’ Sammy (our chariot of choice, a monkey-shit brown ’99 Astrovan) and left FSJ for reals. We crossed over the border into Alberta and made our way to Grande Prairie for a house concert at new friends Shelagh and Cameron’s house. This was a unique show for us, because the audience was 95% male. I like to joke that Twin Peaks’ key demographic is post-menopausal women, so this was certainly a different crowd to be playing to, and I think it was well received. There were lengthy discussions about female body hair after the gals played their smash underground rap hit “Hair Panties”, and my non-consensual education on the inner workings of the “fairer sex” continued. The evening was capped off with a celebration of light as we gazed upon the supermoon and lit off bottle rockets in a nearby park, much to the chagrin of the neighbourhood, I’m sure.

-Monday found us travelling what should have been a couple short hours to Peace River, however the travel time was extended when the iPhone severely marred our plans. You see, when you’re plotting a course for Peace River, it’s important that you type in “Peace River, Alberta” and not just “Peace River”. If you type in the former, you’ll be directed to a quaint little town. If you type in the latter, your iPhone will send you down dirt roads for 40 minutes before telling you to drive directly into the river. We did escape our rural detour with only minimal mental anguish, and perhaps the most entertaining part of it all was when we spotted a sign that said “NO LOITERING”……in the middle of fucking nowhere. Bizarre. We probably should have taken a picture, but our nerves were already frayed from wondering if we’d ever get out of the sticks with all our orifices intact. We eventually did get back to civilization and the show at the Java Domain in Peace River was a lot of fun and went over well.

-On Tuesday we were once again driving down rural dirt roads, except for this time it wasn’t a mistake. We were heading to Naomi’s cousin Hallie’s place just outside of Valleyview to set up for yet another house concert, and we didn’t even get lost once. The turnout at the show was impressive, and we all enjoyed ourselves immensely. While we had a day off, our van Sammy was sent to the doctor and got many things fixed up and we all have the utmost confidence in his faculties.

-We had another day off to leisurely meander down to Edmonton, and we took advantage of the free evening by going to a delightful little public house called “Filthy McNasty’s” to take in a show by my friend April’s band The Seahags. If you like Saskatoon-based all-girl old-timey country garage bands (which is a sparsely populated genre, I’m sure), then you should check them out for sure.

Tonight, it’s nose to the grindstone again as we play at The Wild Earth Cafe here in Edmonton. Stimulating updates to follow. Godspeed.


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